Belonging: The Not-So-Secret Ingredient to Academic and Social Success

* As seen in the December 2023 edition of the Bagpiper. Written by Sophie Bogen '24 and Taylor Mattson '25. Illustration by Melanie Bender '24.

Beyond the classrooms and scenic campus life at Saint Andrew’s, an unseen force shapes students’ experience: a delicate dance between academic rigor and the quest for belonging. From the freshmen nervously tiptoeing into Mariani Great Hall to the seniors who've mastered the art of blending in, the halls of Saint Andrew’s echo with the heartbeat of connection and community.

Amidst the challenging coursework, students here and at high schools near and far journey into the nuanced landscape of identity, camaraderie, and the relentless pursuit to find one's place, a journey that is proving to be difficult for many students and citizens across the country.

According to the U.S. 2023 Surgeon General Report, America is facing an epidemic of loneliness and isolation, ultimately due to the lack of quality social connections, which the report claims is “as dangerous as smoking up to 15 cigarettes a day.”

With the importance of deep personal connections at the forefront of America’s mental health decline, the effects of social interactions and connections have similarly manifested as imperative for students to achieve highly in academics.

While acceptance and inclusion may seem like a given due to our close-knit and supportive community of learners, the nuances of belonging expand further than they may initially appear. What does belonging look like at Saint Andrew’s, and what can we do to achieve deep social, physical, and internal connectedness?

 

Intention Behind the Theme of Belonging

Implementing “belonging” as this school year’s theme, administrators, faculty, and students have created a campus-wide conversation that transcends textbooks and delves into the intricacies of students’ sense of security, connectedness, and, of course, belonging.

For Saint Andrew's, the concept of belonging closely aligns with its core values. As Dr. Harth, Assistant Head of School for Academics, points out, "It connects directly with four of the five core values of Saint Andrew's School: community, honor, respect, and integrity."

According to Dr. Harth, these values serve as the foundation for a supportive and inclusive environment and “involves a feeling of authentic acceptance [and] a sense of personal interconnectedness.”

Dr. Jacqueline Jaffe, Director of Wellness, finds belonging embedded in the school’s Episcopal tradition.

"It's a big part of the Episcopal tradition and who we are in the Episcopal identity. Everyone is welcome, regardless of their background or history, and all are appreciated for the unique contributions they bring to our community," said Dr. Jaffe.

Dr. Geoffrey Cohen, the author of Belonging: The Science of Creating Connection and Bridging Divides who spoke to the Middle and Upper School this semester, further underscored the significance of a school like Saint Andrew’s focusing on belonging as a main theme. Because inclusion and belonging are intertwined, belonging gives “a sense of having of psychological perch. When you have a sense of belonging, you're part of a larger group, and you feel almost lifted up,” Dr. Cohen said.

 

Student Perceptions of Belonging

According to Dr. Jaffe, perceptions of belonging can vary greatly from one student to the next depending on how they assess it. 

"Some students feel like belonging is something external, and whether or not you belong is determined by someone else. But belonging is really a feeling that you have," Dr. Jaffe said.

Senior Kate Adams feels similarly. “It's that good feeling inside of you..the sense of wanting to be the best version of [yourself] and being kind and inclusive to others,” she said.

Like Adams, 40% of the fall Bagpiper student survey respondents reported feeling a strong sense of belonging “most of the time,” while almost a third felt a strong sense of belonging “all the time” in their classes and advisory.

For 80% of student respondents, this strong sense of belonging comes from peers who share similar interests, activities, and backgrounds.

“If you have a friend who's really similar to you and has been raised the same by their parents, I feel like they understand where you're coming from on everything,” said sophomore Chris D’Angelo.

 Groups like clubs, residential life, athletics, and performing arts are places where like-minded individuals come together, sharing common interests and passions, which creates authentic connections.

“I think that clubs or extracurriculars are a unique opportunity to seek out belonging within a certain category or seek out belonging through interests,” said sophomore Hannah Anglemeyer.

Senior Alana Hall, a member of the varsity golf team as well as the president of the Black Student Union Club, shared, “I feel like I belong, especially in BSU.”

Athletics is another aspect of school where Hall feels she belongs.

“On the golf team, we've all known each other forever, and we play with each other outside of school, too. We're all pretty comfortable with each other and have known each other for a long time,” Hall said.

Similarly, the residential life program which supports boarding students works to ensure students feel comfortable while being away from home.

Assistant Dean of Students and of Residential Life Ms. Gordon recognizes, “When they're connecting with students that are similar to them or from their home country, it probably feels like a piece of their actual home.”

Grade 9 student Zirong Wang, a residential life student from China, agrees.

“I'm an international student. My family members aren't here, so I think they [other students] are really like me and they make me feel really warm since they care about me,” said Wang.

According to Ms. Gordon, the residential life community “celebrates birthdays, people getting into college, and those exciting milestones” all while opening activities like Halloween Horror Nights to day students, “so people can make those connections and not just feel like they're part of the boarding program.”

While the sense of belonging will differ for everyone as it’s rooted in personal experiences and external influences to some degree, creating a strong sense of belonging, according to Ms. Gordon, “goes back to the fundamentals of being kind. People may think differently, act differently, and believe in different things from religion to politics. If we can all be kind, open-minded, and listen to each other, we can all grow from each other.”

 

The Role of Social Relationships and Connections

Our day-to-day interactions with classmates, peers, and even those we feel most connected to deeply affect our sense of belonging on campus.

In fact, 81% of student survey respondents reported that their relationships with their peers most affect their sense of belonging at school.

Although shared similarities and commonalities often create our social circles, these similarities may be somewhat inauthentic or fabricated as students may intentionally or unintentionally strive to fit into hierarchical social norms.

“I think there are challenges where you sometimes feel like you have to conform to other social standards, especially within the larger 12th-grade demographic, and various cliques and whatnot that high schools have,” said senior Evan Greenfield.

As deep-set social relationships guide students’ interactions with their peers, feeling like an outsider in some situations may be more common than expected.

Although over 60% of student survey respondents self-reported an overall strong sense of belonging at Saint Andrew’s, 10% reported an overall lack of connection at school, with about 30% of respondents falling in the middle.

One grade 11 student survey respondent wrote, “If you're not in sports or performing arts, it’s easy to feel left out sometimes.”

Dr. Harth highlights the value of seeking connections with individuals from different backgrounds and perspectives.

“We often grow the most when we're with people who come from different backgrounds and have different perspectives," Dr. Harth said.

Grade 12 student Yelyzaveta Shnurenko, a residential life student from Ukraine, would like to see the school expand beyond our own community by connecting with international events and other schools.

Being too comfortable in “the bubble of a community” like Saint Andrew’s, according to Shnurenko, can inadvertently isolate others. Students benefit from going out of their comfort zones and becoming acquainted with people across varied viewpoints to understand others around them.

Dr. Harth explained, “The brain doesn't distinguish between the pain that we feel when we're excluded relative to physical pain,” showing the consequences of exclusion and isolation on an individual's well-being.

“It's important to talk to people who are different from you and get their perspective on the world. If you're [only] friends with [people] just exactly like you, I think it's hard to grow as a person because you're not really going to change who you are. But if you're friends with all different types of people, then you can get a different worldview and also impact those around you,” said Hall.

By simply acknowledging individuals beyond the barriers of our social circles, we may be able to reach students reporting a lack of belonging.

“We're more than just what people see. We have far more depth, and with that, we have far more possible points of connection. It's kind of a wonderful thing, and that's why it's a great part of growing up,” said Mr. Beekmeyer, Head of Upper School.

           

Where Do We Go From Here?

“I think belonging is something we're all looking for even if consciously it's not our main goal,” said Anglemyer.

Students embracing, encouraging, and implementing new methods to promote belonging in their daily lives will ultimately impact the extent of the theme’s success, even more so than the efforts of administration and faculty.

According to senior Evan Greenfield, “It's not necessarily the fault of administrators or the fault of faculty; I think that's something that students have to lead, and it's going to take leaders in the student body to break down the often invisible barriers that exist between different social groups."

Students are encouraged by administrators to reflect on the conversations regarding this theme to heighten their positive connections to groups, peers, faculty, physical places, and their individual and collective experiences.

“[We hope to] get ideas and suggestions from students about how we can cultivate a culture of belonging here because it has to be meaningful to the students,” said Dr. Jaffe.

With set social groups setting students’ social relationships and interactions, this year’s theme of belonging serves as a reminder to branch out of those social groups and break the barriers of expected social norms.

Actively seeking interactions with peers outside our social circles will increase our sense of belonging and expand our mindset.

“I know that we're committed to it, and I know that we're working on it. How people respond to those efforts and how people engage themselves will be the determinants of our success,” said Dr. Harth.